Obedience & Talking about it

I received a letter from a girl who was adopted and is grown up now, it was a sweet letter... written very respectfully about my blog post yesterday. She had urged me not to talk negatively about the foster children and our experiences as one day they may grow up and read my blog and be devastated by it. She had some personal experiences she shared and I read it with full contemplation.  I like to think of myself as "open- minded".... sometimes I tend to be even too hard on myself, because I am constantly critiquing myself... my performance as a Mom, wife,friend, daughter of Christ. If delivered in a gentle way, I think I can take constructive criticism pretty well.... especially if I also see the error in my ways.

So I thought about it, and I wrote her back and thanked her for her concerns and ideas... as they got me to thinking.

I feel that there is a new " normal" these days, with the Internet... that is actually quite "fake" and tends to depress people into thinking that everyone around them has a perfect life, a perfect marriage, and is a perfect parent with no obedience issues, etc. Now please let me explain before you think that I am saying that I plan on sharing any deep specific struggles on here with these girls, or even my biological girls for that matter for the sake of keeping it real. We all know, there are certain private things that stay in our family. I think also prayer groups and trusted friends are the ones who can handle the specifics. Yet on the other hand, I think it is important to be real, and transparent.... even with our kids about these things.

I often talk openly on Facebook about my spicy Italia, who is 3 now. How she open and closes every cabinet, and stuffs the toilet full of toilet paper. While we can laugh because as parents, we "get it "...... I'm not laughing as I'm plunging the toilet. In fact, I share openly my parenting struggles with my children too. McCoy { age 7 } sometimes gets frustrated with her baby sister for touching all of her special things.... and not listening. McCoy had asked "Mommy, why does Italia behave that way"? I explained to her, that Italia is only 3 and when McCoy was three she had her own "spicy" behaviors.  Inquisitively, she persisted, what did i do, Mom? and we laughed as I told her the story of her melt down at starbucks:

 She was 4, she wanted a muffin at starbucks, but i told her she needed to eat her sandwich first, she refused and was just crying for a muffin. I kept offering her the sandwich hoping she would oblige... but by the time we got the register, she was on the floor at starbucks, kicking and screaming on the floor. she was a puddle.... I was shocked...Needless to say, we left without any muffins... and McCoy cried the entire way home. I think I cried in the car that day, just felt so overwhelmed as a parent, like I was failing.

We laugh together at this story now, because at 7, she can comprehend that it is normal development to test limits. She does not feel she is a burden on me in fact quite the opposite, she sees that our love is unconditional. We didn't leave her there at starbucks, we moved forward and loved her through it.... { with firm discipline } so that she learned from it. And even better, we can laugh about it now.

One of the biggest lies out there, is that parenting is easy..... or that adoption means you will feel like a hero. I think we can all tend to glamorize being the rescue in a child's life, but needless to say, it comes with some blood, sweat and tears. I am thankful that there were people who had adopted before me, that told me how hard it was going to be, what to expect, and shared with me their obedience issues and then followed them up with stories of victory.. .where Gods grace and mercies overflowed.

So while I am not suggesting we air all of our dirty laundry on facebook or on a blog, I am suggesting, we are honest about our struggles because those same struggles could be EXACTLY what someone else needed to read to get through theirs. We were not meant to struggle alone.....

And lastly, I don't think its a bad thing for our children to know { at an age appropriate time in their life } that at one time, the tested our limits or exhausted us, I think it prepares them for parenting and also allows them to see our perseverance.... and ofcourse we follow it all up with how much they are worth it and how rewarding it is to be that person that gets to love them this way.

Parenting is hard, Adoption is hard, Marriage is hard. Life is hard........ but we are blessed to have everyone of them, better because of them.... And the victories in our life are that much greater because of them and ultimately God more glorified in the honesty of our desperation for him in those hard times.

I have many friends who will soon be adopting, and a community of people online who are curious about it, If I painted a perfect picture, I would be misleading you, leading others to think what we are doing is easy, possibly causing them to "try" it out and give up on the kids when they find out it is not easy. I would rather be honest and open and hope the ones that truly feel called, rise up and put on their armor to fight the good fight.... because that is what we need more of, warriors. People who are honest about the spiritual battle we are all fighting.... and taking their " Facebook masks" off... once and for all. 

Thanks for hearing my heart - please be respectful when commenting, while we may not all agree, I appreciate you taking your time to read this and contemplate this...


  1. He has given you wisdom and insight as you have spent time seeking Him... this post is covered in grace and understanding, too...I know you have A LOT of response to this and a super busy day ahead so I'll try to be brief.. just know that prayers go up, I know that if I am compelled to pray for you throughout the day, others who really "know" you are as well :) And I know you know it well, but we can never hear it enough "Each time he said, My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me."
    2 Corinthians 12:9 ....
    P.S. Your transparency and unabashed love for Christ is the reason we come here. I do not feel like just a voyeur into your life but honestly, like a friend. When you share, we know in what manner to pray. Maybe not all, but there's immeasurable power in even one or two, right? Much love, to all you Hursh's <3

  2. thank you Laura, this comment made my day! you are such a gift to me!

  3. Well said. I've walked where you are now, and am so incredibly thankful for those who openly shared their goods, bads & uglies with me. I especially appreciated perspective from adopted friends. It helps to walk in the journey to wholeness when you have a clearer view. Understandingly there is also need for discretion. I pray God's wisdom over your family as you walk out issues. The journey is beautiful even in its messiness. A hero indeed is not how it feels in the moment or if ever, its the right everyone deserves, unconditional love. I pray you celebrate the small achievable steps till they are all you see!