McCoy Ann-Marie Hursh ..you are 6.






McCoy, today you are 6.

By the time you ever read this.. you will think that 6 is awfully small... yet it feels  gigantic to me today as I write this.

Its weird to think you were just a little baby... sounds so cliche... but it really does seem like just yesterday.  Just yesterday... it seems like we "the new awkward parents"... brought home this fresh new baby from the hospital... itty bitty you.....tons of hair... a fierce cry..... and the prettiest little face we ever saw. I loved you... it was instant... my heart felt like it could pop at any moment from the fullness of love.

Just yesterday, you said your first word, took your first step... got your first tooth.....

Just yesterday.. it seems like I cried with you in my arms... and thanked God for answering my prayers.
and then wondered if the sting of loving any living thing this much would ever subside.

Its a marvelous....sting. It hurts and makes me rejoice. I cant explain it much better than that.

When I was pregnant.. I would say, surely I was going to give birth to a teddy bear or a puppy. I felt I must be the odd exception.. but instead... I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.

You... God had gifted you to us... the weight of that gift ?... unfathomable.

Today... You are 6. you are not a baby anymore....  and its gone way too fast for me.

You have a certain way you like to brush your hair now, you like lip gloss, gum, glitter and sparkly things, you are goofy and love to dance and sing... you have mannerisms all your own... a way about you.. that's all you.... nothing copied or unoriginal...

Authentic you. Only one McCoy in this world. one.

and you are my daughter.

I want to say  that all of me is rejoicing in your'e  "growing up".. but a part of me deeply grieves, knowing that you will never be a little baby again... and that one day... you will want to spread your wings and fly...  maybe even far away from me.

The other night when I was tucking you in, rubbing your back.. which felt extra big after rubbing Italias... and I asked you to never grow up...while giggling.. and you said.." Mooooommm".. I cant do that... I'm going to grow up...I am already growing up.  Half kidding, I begged... Ok.. well then promise me... you will always live with me. { realizing that sounded ridiculous. }

and that's when you said. " Mom.. I will always live with you, but I want to get married someday and then move to California... but I will take you with me.

My heart sorta paused. I hadn't even considered that. Considered that you might actually marry and move to another state... { in which case..I hope you know..your Dad and I are prepared to follow }
I felt anxiety rise up in me.... and then I exhaled... and just hugged you tighter... as we laughed... and I reminded you that there were nicer boys in Texas..

In this very moment.. I have everything I have ever wanted. You... in my arms.. your sister laying across the room from you, getting prayers from Daddy... I can hear her sucking on her pacifier... both of you wrapped up in your favorite soft blankets... the room is dark and cozy...and I just beg that time would stand still.

.. and I'm tempted to plead with God to make this one exception for me... to make time stand still just once... so that I can live here in this very moment forever....

but you know what?

then I realize... no... you wouldn't be happy in this moment forever... you were born to fly!
You were made for Great things! God has designed your little being for higher things, his glory..... marvelous moments we both know nothing about yet.

What great joy... what an awesome blessing to be able to watch you grow... and be shaped into the mold God has carved out for you... for you to live out the days he has named for you.

Oh sweet McCoy .... I am excited for you.

So today you are 6... and I welcome "6" with open arms. I really do.

I thank you from the bottom of my soul---for opening my heart to learn to love this painful way.
Does it sting, yes! it does... but is it marvelous?... Yes it is the most marvelous thing in all the world.

Happy Birthday McCoy Ann-Marie Hursh.

I love you,
Your Mama.


3 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday to your baby girl McCoy! Your words are just beautiful Shauna! enjoy today with your family...

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  2. Eloquently written-The way most moms I believe feel but, just can't put the words together just right. So, thank you from one mom to another, that was beautiful!

    Happy Birthday McCoy!

    Love, Sarah

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  3. This is so sweet Shauna! Happy Birthday Big Girl;)

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