Me. Transparent


Those of you who have followed me over here.. know that I shut my blog down recently... and started fresh with this one. I was getting kinda "lost" in the blog.. I don't know how to explain it. I felt like it was taking up too much of my time...and maybe with the pressure of sponsors paying, a new undertaking of homeschooling and the Lord confirming to me... my plate was too full.. I felt it was the most natural thing to break free from.  I am going to be completely honest there was also a part of me that was afraid to admit this...sometimes I would allow the negative comments from certain blog entries to get to me.. Along with awesome comments, I had some "haters" who would drop by on occasion and do some serious mud-slinging. I realize that by living out loud, taking my mask off and being " real"... I also unintentionally invite random people in my life to judge and criticize. Its nothing new...  just look at what our culture does to just about anyone in the lime light? Its awful how people dehumanize celebrities and public figures. Why is that?  I had to ask myself why I was willingly making my life available to people so that they could interject and criticize. Was it worth sharing my reflections, insights, and plans?  Follow me in my rabbit trails of thoughts.. I'm kinda all over the place.

Recently I was featured on Etsy's Quit your day job series.. I got a second dose of what is turning out to be a valuable lesson: "Part 2"... I should call it..... While the encouraging comments overwhelmed the amount of negative ones... my sensitive side had a tough time quieting out the negative. {Good friends and my hubby reminded me there were only three negative comments out of nearly 600 }... but my heart still felt a little broken. My computer was dinging every second for about two full days... which was exciting and overwhelming... the letters and responses were everything from "your article changed my life.. I'm in tears, Your article brought me closer to the Lord..."  to...." how could you name a shirt after a drug that kills millions of people and call yourself a Christian", You aren't successful... you are a stay at home Mom ". While I don't expect the whole world to love my clothes { PPP is not for everyone.. that's why it is a lifestyle" } ... I never expected I would get heat from just saying Gods name...

Then I was immediately reminded...
"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. John 15:18
Many comments about not coming to etsy for a bible study... or how I should stop giving credit to my imaginary friend hurt... I hurt that not only would someone spew hate towards my heavenly Father... but would express such intolerance towards someone else's beliefs, just because it wasn't their own. I grew up in California ... a very liberal state... many of my closest friends are not believers and have polar opposite political beliefs... while we have had some heated conversations and of course I continue to pray they will come to know the Lord... we have always been considerate to each other. I have made it very clear with the people in my life.. that while I consider myself to be tolerant and loving.. I can not water down my love for God to make others feel comfortable.... I am very passionate about my relationship with God.... so much so.. that if I were too be interviewed and not make mention of his name, it would be ridiculously unnatural.. Which brings me to the 1000th reason I love ETSY.. I am very thankful that Etsy honored freedom of speech and allowed me to "be me" and not edit my words.

 I am aware that sometimes my beliefs might cost me sales... or opportunities.I also understand that we live in a world that doesn't think that my "religion" should be a part of my business. If you knew me before I was saved... you would understand why I am desperate for God. God literally picked me up from the floor and did a 360 with my life. " I am changed "... and I wished I could credit myself for even a spec of it... but sadly... If I could.. I would have changed myself a long time ago.. before all the crazy stuff I did. I am different now.. I don't think the same way... I don't even really recall things of the past very clearly... its like an outer body experience when I think back....and yet every day I am still being refined...

This whole process has been a spiritual journey...Confronting my intentions. Embracing more fearlessly... who I am in Christ and not worrying about how the world will see me... I think that was always my reservation in my early walk with the Lord... " God.. I love you and I want to follow you... but please don't make me some weird Jesus freak"...Just don't send me to Africa... just don't make knock on doors and pass out papers and stuff.... let there be a little "Shauna" left. But now I look back and realize... there is more "Shauna" now than ever before.. I was a dead man walking then... not the creation God had designed me to be... a girl who was spiraling out of control, addicted to the party, addicted to being wanted, addicted to the so called American Dream I was chasing. Every day.. as I allow God to mold me more... and surrender to him... I see him peeling the layers.... and I am starting to recognize myself more clearly.... and I am liking what I see. We are all a work in progress and I am so thankful God never gives up on us.

I am sensitive.... I hurt sometimes deeply... I get anxious... I have good days and bad days... but at the end of it all... I am me. I have insecurities, but I am not insecure. I can not pretend that harsh words don't hurt.... In saying that.. it is not the favor of man I seek. I am secure in him.  Not everyone is going to love me... or even like me for that matter.

that is okay. { deep breath }


Heb 6:19

16 comments:

  1. i. love. you. thank you for being you.

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  2. i think you're wonderful. the end. :)

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  3. The most confident people are the ones who can be open and honest about their insecurities and anxieties. Beautifully done, Shauna. I love this post. And I'm so happy for all of your success!

    ~ Devon

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  4. You are an honest person and true to yourself and God. People that put you down by sending negative comments are unhappy with themselves. I believe people who make negative comments about God and your beliefs are doings from the devil to make you rethink of speaking God's name. Your blog is extremely positive and great! You are truly talented. Never forget that :)

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  5. ahhh. You are refreshing...what this world needs is not 'good' lil christians asking what mission to have- but people who love GOD doing what makes them come alive!!! you are that woman! and ABUNDANT LIFE starts NOW- not in eternity...haters will hate, sadly- but LOVE covers all...XO

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  6. well said Shauna... I know how hard it is to tune out the negative, it can really eat at you... but you are doing your best.

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  7. Mama love.. I am so happy you wrote this today.. I am just coming out of something myself and stepping into stage 1.... thank you so much an just continue to inspire~ regardless people cant handle there ego ( EASING GOD OUT) nor have any control of it and in many situations are not even aware it exist..
    you keep striving and inspiring because your bring that Productivity positivity alot of us need... and even the ones that are being negative... they will even need us oneday~
    love and light~

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  8. I was so excited to read your feature on Etsy! I called my husband into the room and read it to him. I was thrilled to hear someone give the credit to God and to hear of another homeschooling mama chasing her dreams and God's plans. Don't let the "haters" get you down. You're being used by God in a other people's lives. That's a tremendous honor! I for one, wept all the way through reading the Etsy feature, and I'm sure I'm not alone. It was exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the right time. God bless you! :)

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  9. Thanks Shauna. I think sometimes as Christians we think we have to fit into some kind of mold, forgetting that God created us each with a uniqueness that only we can make shine. You are honoring God by using the gifts that he gave you and by giving Him all of the glory along the way. Thanks for the inspiration.

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  10. You are wonderful, an amazing inspiring creation. And you made me cry again...

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  11. And... what is wrong with putting a positive spin on a name stolen by druggies. Yeah lets reclaim it as a name for truly original desirable clothes, go girl.

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  12. I happened across your feature on Etsy and thought Wow! How refreshing to see someone standing for God, so much so that I saved your blog to my favorites. I was just recently "picked up off of the floor" by Jesus Christ and have been having some of the same talks with God that you mention in your "early walk". I just want to thank you for standing up for yourself and God. Your actions have helped me to clarify and strengthen my own understanding of my pursuit in this walk with Him.

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  13. Your words on etsy and here have made me want to be more bold in my faith with my walk and in my business! Thank you for being vulnerable and transparent!

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  14. Whenever there is a feature on etsy that even sorta alludes to God I get all excited. The negative ones (people) generally are jealous not only that you ARE successful, but that you can be successful and be able to give any credit to your Savior. I do believe that some envy the joy and fulfillment and sense of self that Christ gives.

    Thank you for being bold and giving credit where credit is due. You inspired me.

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  15. Hi Shauna,
    I was just reading parts of your blogs, and I came across this one.
    Keep up the good work, and don't be disheartened by negative comments. Satan is always going to attack the Christians in any way he can to try to weaken our faith. So when you see anti-Christian comments remember what Christ said. "Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their fathers treated the prophets." Luke 6:20-23.
    Also John 15:18-pt of 20. If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first...Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also...

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